Bush to Become Pope?

In what may be the only fitting job for an ex-President, upon his arrival in the US, rumors began circulating that George W. Bush intends to query Pope Benedict XVI on the possibility of succession. Not just any succession, but Bush succeeding Benedict himself. Confessing his lifelong fascination with the Papacy to the aging German prelate, the intense interest in Catholicism shown by America's President so moved the Pope and his advisors that they're now considering offering the Methodist his very own Vatican office. "It will be good for connecting the Church with Americans," Benedict told reporters. "Having the most prominent, Evangelical political leader in our office may very well bring back those who've fled our church in recent years for Fundamentalist and Pentecostal denominations."

Indeed, if the U.S. President really is interested in making such a move, such a desk-switch could be a harbinger of a much greater shift in American religious life, away from the Protestantism that has ruled American religious life in recent decades, back to the Catholicism that once held sway over urban areas like Boston, New York and Washington DC. "It makes sense," said a bemused-looking Pope. "If the Republicans are going to recover the Latino vote, they're going to have to stop encouraging them to stop speaking in strange tongues, and instead embrace their real faith. In Rome, it is our sense that the only way Bush can do this will be through the grace of God - I mean, the Latino community. Consider the benefits. He would not only revive the fortunes of his party, but he might also set himself up for the job he's always dreamed of."

"Either way you look at it, its a win-win situation for everyone," said former UK Prime Minister Tony Blair, when asked his opinion on what such a move might bring. "I made the switch from the Church of England a number of years ago, and its just a matter of time before Bush does too." Asked whether he would consider taking up residency inside Vatican City under such circumstances, Blair sounded positively upbeat about reprising his old supporting role. "Every prelate needs a good chief strategist. I feel confident that if called upon to direct Church policy, Cherie and I would be more than willing to relocate to Italy." Responding to concerns voiced over the failings of the pair to properly execute an effective Iraq policy, Blair sighed, "That was never our bag. We would have much preferred to take over the Church than invade Iraq any day."